Wednesday, December 17, 2008
So....a few days ago I posted a status update on my facebook about my tendency to frequently not answer my phone and my lack of caring about it. Answering the phone has never been a priority in my family or life, and I was feeling frustrated because sometimes I feel that people expect me to change that aspect about myself. So, I will try to explain that here. The only person who depends on me right now is my son Adam.....the only other person I'm accountable to is my husband Mike. For those people, I must always try to be available....so they don't count in this explanation. For everyone else, I feel this.....there's always someone else that can fill in the blank. That takes away a lot of urgency to constantly have the phone at my side. I don't like being subject to the little devices and quite honestly feel that sometime they are rude or present us frequently with the opportunity to act rudely. When I'm talking to someone, unless it's important, I won't answer my phone to interupt that conversation. That's what voice mail is for, etc. And yeah, I don't get back to people who leave messages that well either....that's something that I realize I should work on, but again, I don't hover over my phone....it takes time to get the message (if you even realize one's been left) and then make the moment where it's good to call back....but I'll try. Now, there are those who are exceptionally available to the phone and are excellent and getting back to people and their lives aren't any less busy than mine. That's great! They've chosen that to be something they care about....I don't. Then there are just days or hours in a day where I don't want to talk...on the phone or anything else. So, why should I answer the phone if I don't want to talk. 99% of the calls I get are for just that reason, to talk. It's great on days I feel like doing it, but other days when I don't, I'm fine to not compromise that time to myself. Then there's just the consideration that I may be changing a poopy diaper and can't leave my son hanging out on the dresser to answer the phone, or am sitting on the throne and certainly am not interupting that to answer the phone, or am outside and don't have the phone with me, etc. etc. I just don't feel the need to always have the phone with me at all times in all places. So, joke all you want and say what you will....I'm not changing this about myself right now. Maybe someday the needs will change and that will cause an alteration in my habits....but for now, be content with the fact that I'm okay with not always being available and I don't mean it to be anything but that....I'm just not always available. And I never expect that from anyone else either.......not even my husband who literally has the phone glued to his ear 98% of the day....it's just not realistic to think that he wants to always talk to me when I want it. So, don't take offense or be disturbed by my behavior....it's just a quirk about me that I'm at peace with right now ;) (or course I take into consideration special times and needs when I do need to bite the bullet and be johnny on the spot with my phone). Thanks!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Well....5 years ago today on a sunny Sunday afternoon my dear mother Joy McLaws passed away after enduring 6 difficult months in the last stages of breast cancer. She found out that she had cancer when it was really too late to do much about it. Each year, my dear friend Hopie Clyde and I go to lunch (her treat) to remember my mom together. Hope knew my mom in a very personal way, practically like a daughter, so I enjoy this time we spend together sharing things. Since it fell on Sunday this year, we went to lunch yesterday. Hope always gets me a gift as a reminder of my mom. She's given me a bracelet, an ornament, a shirt, and other things usually related to breast cancer...and she always puts a lot of thought into it. This year, she again got the perfect thing and donated money to the Huntsman Cancer Foundation (yes I cried). I know she does this to honor my mom, but it is such a display of her great capacity to love others and care about them. Thanks Hopie! As I have reflected today on my mom's life and influence I have had my heart warmed by the fact that I truly had an amazing mother who taught me so much. Some of the many things she taught me were: how to be graceful when I need to be, how to laugh at myself, how to love and be loved, to enjoy beautiful music and experiences, to allow myself the opportunity to do better...hopefully I've encorporated some of this to my life. My mom really was an amazing woman to me in so many ways....talented, graceful, funny, forgiving, beautiful. I really could go on and on about her. Truly I was a blessed daughter to have her and my dad. When I asked her one day while taking care of her needs towards the end what she would do differently in life, she simply told me that she would worry less and that she would have spent more time playing with her children and not washing walls. I've tried to remind myself of these things often....hence, my home is often in disarray....but hopefully for the right reasons. I miss her being accessable, I miss her wisdom, but I know she is still very much a part of my life. One of my favorite memories of my mom was when she discovered the "butt bread" one night and how she started laughing so hard that she nearly fell to the floor....and then how she kept that piece of bread that resembled a butt and promised to preserve it and display it somehow as a funny reminder. She never got that far, but she did keep it and I found it preserved in a box of stuff while going through things one day....oh how I laughed. My mom brought such Joy into everyone's life....her name said it all.